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On the Stage – My Experience as a Singer in Voice of HFI

November 28 , 2016

For me, the Voice of HFI was a trigger for my confidence. 

Before the Voice of HFI, I hesitated before raising my hand, worrying whether the answer was “correct”; I cared about people’s subtle facial expression, wondering if I did something wrong that made them think ill of me; I felt anxious for all day long because of a seemingly perfunctory answer on WeChat, thinking whether I hurt someone’s feeling; I scanned people’s expression on the stage during performance, trying to find the meaningless sense of support… All the time, I was a living marionette controlled by lines of other people’s opinions, behaviors, and expressions. I was a puppet with little confidence inside to support all my behaviors. 

On the night of the Voice of HFI, my role as a singer and audience completely changed my mind, encouraging me to be more confident in the future life. 

In the first half of the Voice of HFI, I sang the first song, “In Spring”. Even though it was a rock and roll song, which required 100% devotion of the singer, I still scanned two or three times for people’s expressions. When I walked down the stage, the first thing I did was to ask my classmates whether I performed perfectly. 

During the gap between the first half and the second half, I walked down the stage and became a quiet audience. Sitting down in the dark, I suddenly found that all the dancers and singers on the stage were shining like a vehement sun at noon. One of the girl dancing in the center struck me with her steady expression in the eyes. She was dancing in the center of a group of girls, wearing the same clothes and the same make-up as others. However, her eyes were looking straight forward and sparkling resolutely without any hesitation or diffidence. With the dazzling light on her, I felt in her eyes that she was not dancing for anyone. 

That was the eyes that I had never owned. 

In the second half, probably struck by that pair of resolute eyes, I made myself forget everything around me and sing confidently. Surprisingly, the sound went into my ears was no longer people’s claps or chatters, the sight I saw was no longer hundreds of judging eyes – I felt that I was singing in a classical hall with a bright and grand chandelier hanging on the ceiling. I slowly felt my body, my mind, and my voice all became a part of the opera. 

After walking down the stage, I did not even know what was the audience’s reaction because I was filled with happiness brought by confidence. I did not know that ignoring other people’s comments and being confident could make myself so free and pleased.

After the Voice of HFI, I start to raise my hand immediately after I come up with some tiny ideas; I start to ignore people’s expressions and assume that they are all happy; I start to focus on important information on WeChat rather than intangible tones; I start to imagine myself standing in a grand hall when performing… This time, I become a real human, with independent confidence supporting all actions I do.